Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
