Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
PANTIES FOUND
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