For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
