She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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