we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
