apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
