yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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