i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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