dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
