its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
