I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You smell like stripper and shame
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
