Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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