just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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