We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
