Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
