I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
