i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
do herpes really smell.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
