Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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