after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
