You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
