just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
