i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
