just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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