Michael Bay diarrhea
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Randomize
