peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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