Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
