There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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