And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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