Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
