Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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