If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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