office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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