can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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