apparently the secret to your success is patron
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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