he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
