She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
