They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
