I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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