We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
