and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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