I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
