I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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