and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
