he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
