I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
