Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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