Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
