they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
