dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
