Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
