babies were throwing up all over the place
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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