there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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