Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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