Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
