PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
