I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
