I smell stomach acid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
sex in a hospital.. check
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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