I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
