There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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