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New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
