i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As shirtless as possible
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
