I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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