new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Terrible idea I love it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
