I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
