Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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