im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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