Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
