watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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