I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
