i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
