I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
