In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
do herpes really smell.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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