His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
