can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize