He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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