Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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